BBG separates are a special experience. They are described as dedicated, intimate programs where BBGs come together to strengthen chapter bonds, reflect on personal identity, and discuss Jewish heritage. These programs tend to be emotional sessions, typically involving quiet reflection, sharing personal stories, and building sisterhood. 

However, most BBGs would agree that separates must be experienced to be understood, not explained.

My first separates occurred at Mountain Region #47's Fall Convention in 2024. It was a cold day, and I hadn’t packed enough warm clothing for the trip. I knew almost no one in the region, despite having already spent a day at the hotel. After separates, tears streaming down my face, I embraced girls I’d never had a conversation with before and finally felt like I was truly a sister. That is the power of impactful programming. That was the first time I really understood that I am a damn proud BBG. Since then, I am yet to walk away from separates untouched, my emotions exposed; sometimes through words and sometimes through tears. Strangely enough, these tears have only ever brought me closer to the girls whose experiences have shaped my BBYO experience.

In an article titled “Is crying good for you?”, author Leo Newhouse claims that there are three forms of tears: reflex tears, continuous tears, and emotional tears. The first two perform biological functions like removing debris from our eyes and keeping them lubricated. Emotional tears, however, have a different function. According to Newhouse, “Researchers have established that crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, also known as endorphins.” This quote references specifically emotional tears, or those that come during separates when we are vulnerable.

Endorphins are, according to Cleveland Clinic, “produced to help relieve pain, reduce stress and improve mood.” which results in a “feel-good” emotion. This chemical response may explain part of the reason why so many BBGs describe leaving separates feeling lighter, calmer, or even happier than before.

In addition to the happy chemicals released when you cry, there are social explanations as to why tears bring us together during emotional programming. Psychologists sometimes refer to a phenomenon called “emotional contagion”. Emotional contagion is the idea that humans subconsciously mirror the emotions of those around them. While the term “contagion” often carries a negative connotation, in this context, it highlights the positive bonds that can be formed between two people with similar experiences. In a room full of people who are comfortable expressing their emotions, observing others doing the same can reinforce social bonds. In other words, when you cry at separates, you feel closer to the girl next to you who is also crying, even if you have never had a conversation with them before.

Of course, while tears can make you happy and are likely a factor that contributes to connection after separates, there is more complexity to the feeling than that. Not every BBG cries during the program, but many still walk away with a stronger sense of identity and belonging. The real power of separates lies in the environment that allows people to lower their barriers.

At the end of the day, regardless of the playlist chosen or the brightness of the LED candles on the floor, separates create a safe space. These special spaces show BBGs that vulnerability is encouraged. By allowing members to share their stories about identity, struggle, growth, and family, they invite others to listen with empathy and understanding. Whether or not tears are involved, these conversations build trust (psychologically and scientifically!). This trust is what turns unfamiliar faces into community. This trust is what made me realize I am a damn proud BBG.

For many BBGs, separates is one of the most impactful BBYO experiences offered. They remind us that sisterhood is more than chapters and cheers. BBG is built through listening, understanding, and connection. Built from true sisterhood. And sometimes, BBG is built through tears.