Self Discovery

February 2, 2022
Lilah Kaplan

Chandler, Arizona, United States

Class of 2022

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This passage is from a short story that was written by myself on a bright day, as I was watching the beautiful clouds in the sky, which I love very much. These are a collection of my thoughts throughout feelings of love, struggle, and a desire to improve oneself:

It was a sunny day in November, the clouds passing by with everlasting serenity. I could feel the sunlight radiating on my rosy cheeks, as I gaze into the threatening sky above. I always look forward to observing this beauty as she alters into a million visions with her vast canvas of light. 

She’s like a mist, cooling and protecting. A comforting hug. And the colors are like the most beautiful painting in the world. I look up and pray ‘Please let beauty reach me every day as you do.’ I so badly need an escape and a reason to love life again.

Only there is nothing left to love. No spark, laughter, hope. No adventure. I sense my mind ruminating. Sure there are people to love, but I am not people. I am one and without inner freedom, I cannot be myself.

As the music from my phone fills my soul with frisson, I feel myself escaping into another world. Illusions comforting my inflamed brain of alarm. I put on my headphones for the fourth time that week to feel the hymn of the enthusiast, as they rotated in my mind.

I feel like I am in one of those FUN houses at the AZ state fair, because they’re definitely fun, but also overwhelming and way too colorful. The thoughts would take over, like a million mirrors judging my reflection and knocking me down to the oh-so-dirty floor with bunches of little children stomping their feet and laughing at the funny clown on the ceiling. A loop, turning and turning until there’s nowhere to go and nausea too powerful it’s hard to be near anyone.

But I knew I always had my safe place to hide away and that has given me the peace to persevere. And so the sky is beautiful in every way and I long to watch it during each transformation so it can calm my mighty soul for the real world of FUN.

Self-discovery will be both terrifying and enlightening. Sometimes it feels like you are on top of the world, and other times it feels like nothing went as planned. It is important to understand that it is okay to evolve as a person, even if it means letting go of something you once adored, but also to keep the beautiful things close. It is okay to struggle, but the key to success is learning from it and being the best version of oneself every day.

Lilah Kaplan is a BBG from Mountain Region and loves to spread kindness.

All views expressed on content written for The Shofar represent the opinions and thoughts of the individual authors. The author biography represents the author at the time in which they were in BBYO.

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