How to Tell the Difference Between a Real Friend and a Fake Friend

November 6, 2023
Diana Noteva

Sofia, Bulgaria

Class of 2026

Read more from this author →

Selecting who is worth spending time with is no easy task. This easy-to-read manual is going to help you figure out which of your friendships are worth fighting for and which ones you might have to let go of.

There is no room for fear in a healthy friendship.

Have you ever felt anxious to tell your friends good news because you were afraid they were going to make it about themselves or make you unhappy? Friendships are supposed to be healthy. If you are scared of sharing your happiness with them, your friendship might not be as healthy as you previously thought.

You are not the exception. You will never learn your lesson. 

Fake friends are prone to spreading rumors and gossip about their friends behind their backs. If you have a friend who always says rude and hurtful things about their friends the second they leave the room, do not be surprised if they are doing the same thing to you.

They don't respect you.

Do you respect your friends' time, effort, and boundaries? Do you expect them to respect yours, too? If someone doesn't value these three, there is a good chance they also don't respect you.

They manipulate you.

Have your friends ever made you feel bad or guilty after they have wronged you? If so, you might want to change the way you refer to them because if they gaslight you constantly, they do not deserve to be your friends.

Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

The Oxford Dictionary describes a bully as someone who uses their strength or power to frighten or hurt people. A bully tends to use your insecurities against you for them to feel superior to you. If you have a friend that fits into that description, they might also be your bully.

They're only looking for you when they want something.

Treating friendship like a transaction might not be the best mindset if you want to be a good friend. Friendship could give you some great things. Getting things could be a perk, but it should not be the entire point of your friendship.

They're not there for you when you need them.

Do you know anyone who only talks about themselves but looks uninterested whenever you are the topic of the conversation? If you do, you might want to reconsider your relations with this person because a friend would listen to you the way you listen to them. It goes both ways, and if it doesn't, your friendship might be one-sided.

These are some of the signs that give away fake friends. I hope this helped you get better at choosing who to spend your time with.

Diana is a BBG from Bulgaria and enjoys movies, books, and philanthropy.

All views expressed on content written for The Shofar represent the opinions and thoughts of the individual authors. The author biography represents the author at the time in which they were in BBYO.

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